epiphany

I want to be my own person, and so I avoid what i perceive as conformity, even if these expressions of conformity are good or aren't even expressions of conformity at all. Perhaps that is why I avoid being around large Asian groups, be it in churches, youth groups, etc. This is all so silly because this is just another way of saying that I don't want my social circles to define I who I am, when, in reality, this is inevitable.

I also want to be at home, but this is hard because I avoid tight-knit groups that might be considered cliques. This is why I have friends in many different groups but nobody that I could consider my core group. So, just as I want to view myself as an individual, even my closest relationships are with individuals and not group. This is not a bad thing, either--just an observation.

And as I contemplate these things, I know that I cannot possibly be the only one who thinks about these things or thinks this way, but because at times I think that I must be unique for thinking this way, I have a mistaken sense of what makes me different. Unfortunately, even in incorrectly perceiving this uniqueness, I isolate myself from others.